Another boring saturday. Why are my saturdays always so boring? I supposed it is my own problem. Maybe I am really too anti-social. =S

Woke up very early today and had pw meeting with da ge, Rebecca and Loo Kit. They came over at 9+am and we started doing work. We had one OP rehearsal today which went quite ok without much giggling or mistakes. At least with lesser people looking at us we won't feel that stressed.

They had lunch at my hse. After that they went home at 1pm. It ended quite early because Rebecca and Loo Kit both have something on in the afternoon.

The rest of the afternoon was damn boring. I wished I could go out, but then no where to go also. Sianx. So stayed home and watched tv whole day. It rained heavily at 4pm. I was alone at home and it was v scary. It had been ages since I last saw such a heavy storm.

I want to go out I want to go out I want to go out.. I am really very bored at home. Haix. So I shall post the neoprint that san mei scanned. That neoprint was taken two weeks ago I think, it was the Lye family. hEhEx.. But again without lao da.



That's about all for today le. Shall go off now.

Had a great day today. Had school as usual. Lessons ended quite early at around 1.30pm. But due to the extra lesson for Physics, we ended school at 3pm.

After that, I went out with darling, eggie, rachel, cy, yx,allan and zg. We went outram park pei darling buy CD first before heading down to Marina Bay for steamboat buffet. We had an unhappy encounter on the bus. We were talking and laughing loudly on the bus and some students or rather barbarians from QUEENSTOWN SECONDARY SCHOOL shouted out: "It is so noisy that I have to whisper." WTF. Does whisper goes along well with noisy? Perhaps their English standard too high liao lah, I don't understand. But as usual, TJcians just kept quiet and they got their wish. Choosing to keep quiet doesn't mean we admit defeat, it is just that human beings don't fight with BARBARIANS. What's the point of fighting with those barbarians whose L1R5 for O Level will turn out to be thrice as high as ours? Oh no, I should not say that. They might be a clever bunch of barbarians from Queenstown Secondary, but then again, when did that school produce bright students? =X Maybe I should not be so mean ok, but it just feels great to know that no matter how stupid I am, there are people out there worst than me.

Let's leave the unhappy stuff aside. We went to eat. The food was really not bad. We even saw fireworks there wor. So nice, but my hp can't take nice pictures lah, so no choice lor. Anyway, the gang of 8 became a big family with Yexian as the daddy. The eldest son is Yu Bo (suggested by Chen Yu), the second sis is me, third sis is darling WanYi, fourth sis is Eggie YiLin, fifth brother is shaky gang Zhen Gang, sixth brother is Chen Yu, seventh brother is Allan and last but not least, the youngest child is Rachel. WeE.. how great right? Too bad yubo wasn't around to crap with us. Haha. I ate a damn lot of food and my skirt was on the verge of bursting already. I swear I am going to buy a skirt which is of a bigger size. =)

After we finished, we went to Esplanade there to walk walk. We saw this very nice place inside esplanade so we decided to take pictures there. So let me now post the nice nice pictureS~ =)


It's the girls!!! From left to right: Rachel, YiLin, me, WanYi. Pic taken by I duno who with wAnYi's hp, her hp take pic v nice hor, but that person shaky hands that's why it turned out lidat.


The gALs aGain~ This pic is supposed to be taken by yexian but my hp really can't take nice pics. Haix.


Yes, finally our family of 8!!! =) ChEeRz.. Row 1 (left to right): YiLin, Rachel, WanYi, me. Row 2 (left to right): Allan, Chen Yu, Yexian, Zhen Gang. My family members are sure cute!!!! I love my family wor~

Reached home at around 10pm. Very tired already. Shall go and sleep now. Tml morning still got pw meeting.

Today started out quite bad. Rainy morning. I hate rainy days, coz I always have a bad mood on rainy days. Any single thing will agitate me. Plus I think there really is communication breakdown between me and my classmates. Ok, I shall leave that matter aside.

I intended to blog something that I want to complain, but I remembered that this blogger thing is not a private thing, it's open to others, so I think I should keep them to myself.

Mentor this afternoon. Quite of fun as we don't need to teach. The kiddos' exams are over, so they are happily playing as well. Played badminton with two girls, they were very hyper, so energentic and all that. After that played ice and water with rachel n eggie's mentees and some other kids. Can say quite fun but then its really tiring.

I think I should go and do my part for games tml already before I get suaned by my group members. tAtA. I am sleeping early today.

Currently doing PW oral presentation slides. Just changing some minor things and add some stuffs to my speech. =) Hope it will turn out ok tml wor. HeHex.

Today's topic is on Miss Rita Wong. I went the NKF concert featuring Fan Yi Chen. Oh well, I didn't really wanted to go, I just don't feel like staying at home. So there I was. The concert was ok overall. What's funny was that the DJ Yang Jun Wei kept calling Miss Rita is such a sWeeEeeeeeeet way that makes u feel like puking. =X Not only that, he made one of the members from "liu jia yue tuan" to declare that he will "kill" miss wong. Well, as in he will be able to seduce her. Did I get my words correct? I doubt so, cos I have problem with expressing myself. =S HaIx. Not that I want to complain that my English is lousy, but that's what everyone is saying.. It makes me feel sad though.

Anyway, I guess Miss Rita must have felt sooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeet that she might not be able to sleep well tonight. She might be smiling to herself now for all I know. HeHeHEx.. =D Perhaps no one had declare love for her for a long time. Although I also don't have, but the main point is there. Miss Rita is such a nuisance that no one likes her. No wonder Miss Rita wore such nice clothes today huh. White top plus pink pants, doesn't that reminds u of those little girl girls strolling in Orchard Road? =X Fancy a rolling cheeseball trying to act young. Hai, time waits for no one ok, rita. To think that I even saw her.... LACE today. Ok this is getting a little disgusting, but RIta wore a white top that is abit translucent and I saw the lace of her bra today. Sorry, I didn't want to see, but you were standing right in front of me and I just can't help it.

Talking about declaring love, I suppose I am in no position to criticise Rita, cos I myself don't have. So? You know, I have heard this from alot of my frens that we should make our feelings known to others so that we won't regret. But sometimes, do we regret more by declaring our love or the other way round? How confusing. I got this quote from a fren's blog: "The greatest distance is not defined by space. Its when you are in front of the person you like/luv, but he doesn't know you like/luv him." I believe most of you all would have read that somewhere, but sometimes I think that rejection is even more hurting that the other person not knowing.

Yes I know life isn't all about such relationship matters, but I just thought of it all of a sudden and wanted to type something about it. I just read cY's blog. IF only life is so simple like what he described. I wanted to lead a simple life too. But no matter how hard I try, circumstances around me is constantly reminding me that I am not living in a simple environment. I do want to keep all my thoughts away, I wished I can stop thinking about unhappy stuffs too. I wished I can disappear from the surface of the earth and all those unhappy things will go away. But why can't I do that? I suppose it is my brain that is controlling. Please, cY, please help me. I want to keep my life simple. I want to live in a fairytale.

Just some news to update abt. My dad is sleeping downstairs for the third night already. Ha. Wad a joke. Last time he used to go downstairs during nighttime (god noes wad was he doing there), but now he sleeps there. Maybe other will think it's me and mum who drove him out of the house. Well, even my brother thinks that, so who wouldn't? But I can swear it wasn't us, it's just his own attitude ok.

Two nights ago I was rushing to save my PW report in diskettes, and he wanted to sleep. He sleeps in the living room anyway. My com is there also. So he asked me to get lost. Of cos I can't, so I just told him that I need to do work. He insisted that exams are over and there are no more work now, so I should get lost and let him sleep. Given my character, I refused. I could have told him that I am finishing and asked him to wait, but I didn't. Who asked him to be like that?

So he left home and I heard from my mum he spent the night sleeping at the opposite block's study corner. Well, whatever. It is not that I am cold-blooded, but I am just too tired to care anymore. He is not a man at all. Perhaps physically he is a man and financially he is supporting my studies, but he really isn't a good dad. For the past months, he didn't speak to my mum neither did he speak much to me. He only constantly asked me the hanyu pinyin of chinese words cos he wanted to send sms to fren. Who noes who is that fren? Perhaps it's some bitch out there who is shameless. I am harsh with words, but I hate third parties. I know my mum isn't treating him well, but it is still wrong to break up ppl's family. Ok, I shall not assume there is a bitch out there, perhaps I am just thinking too much.

DAD told me that I should get a scholarship next year as he won't be able to support me to study anymore. Did he even care about me in the first place? I faced the danger of not promoting yet he still expects me to get a scholarship? Did he ever realised that I didn't get good grades?

I know life is full of ups and downs and this is just part of life. But sometimes I wished I can run away from home and never return. No one at home is appreciating me. It would never make any difference whether am I at home or not. I am better off dead. I stayed home the whole day but mum just scolded me lazy and not doing any housework. I have been lidat for 17 YEARS. I don't give a damn abt hsework for all my life. She nv grumble much but why today? When I go out too much she nags, when I don't she nags too. Is there a need for me to be around? NO.

Without me, mum can have one person less to spend her money. Without me, mum can throw away all my books and notes and keep the hse neat and tidy. Without me, dad can save a large sum of money as no one will be there to take allowance. Without me, dad can kill mum when she nags. Without me, kor can spend mum's money all by himself. Without me, kor can watch RA vcds late at night without being found out. Without me, there will be one person less to suan cy. Without me, Mr Ho can worry less about his students not doing well. Without me, frenx need not be bothered. Without me, the world may not have a big difference but it will be a better place for some.

Yes, my family revolves ard money. It always is at home. For all my life.

Today is another boring saturday. I slacked at home for the whole day without doing anything. Planned to go for a swim in the evening but the weather turned bad and I overslept. Ha.

Why is life so contradicting? During exam period I kept wanting to go out and do things I like or blog, but when exams are over I just stayed home and do nth? Neither do I feel like blogging anymore. Haix. Life is juz so weird.

Hai why must life be like that? I am going off le. TaTax.

Finally my group handed in the PW report today. The feeling is great coz it symbolises that PW is coming to an end soon. *PhEw* Had a short day in school today. Attended the talk abt SMU early morning. It was quite interesting and I found out that SMU offer courses on psycology. =)

Well, after school I went out with zhengang, allan, wanyi, eggie, rachel, chenyu n yexian. We went to bugis and pei allan eat lunch. I bought a yam pie from old chang kee and also tako pachi + mango tea. HeHex. After that we went walk walk. I suggested taking neoprint coz there are 8 of us there so it will be easier to split the bill. HaHax. It was so fun, we kept laughing loudly while taking pics. But some of the neoprints dun contain all of us coz it is quite crowded with 8 of us inside.

After that we went shop around in bugis. Wy bought a new schedule book for year 2005 that is disney princess. (Not sure if I got the name correct not) I wanted to buy too, but I didn't coz I am not used to using cute stuffs and that I wanted to get a schedule book which I can refill. Dun ask me why, I just like to do that. HohOx. Tried my best not to spend extra money today coz I am quite broke already plus I don't wish to overspend.

Wy went off earlier and the rest of us went for dinner. I was damn tired by then already. Rachel, zg and me didn't eat dinner outside cos my mum is cooking and I really don't wish to withdraw anymore money from my bank. Thus the greedy me watched the rest eat. =S

Reached home at ard 7pm. So tired lor. Walk until my legs ache!!! Haix. Den watch tv and slack, I just love the feeling of being in holidays. Next week will be the last week. I am really looking forward to it.. But when holidays come, I may not look forward to it again.. Stupid me..

I have to drop a subject. Though this is not really what I wanted, but I suppose it is just as well. Since the sch force me to drop, I can focus on 3 subjects. I am praying hard for the rest of my subjects ok. I am really praying hard. I intend to drop LEP already. Not that I can't pass, but I just duno what course can I enter in future with LEP.

I am not really in a mood to blog today. Just felt very tired, tired of thinking what pdp to join. I dun wish to join something that is v slack, neither do I want to join something that is too stressful and exciting. HahAx. Think I might end up in CPC. =X I also duno what else I can join, just find something that got my classmates in so that I can get in easier and then at least got company. Hope eggie also make up her mind abt what she is joining.

Going off le. Bye

Today is the day when I die. Why? I got back all my results. Woke up damn early today, trying my best to drag time cos I don't feel like reaching school so early. Took a later bus but I was still on time.

First paper I got back was Maths, nth much to anticipate coz I already knew my results. Den I got back physics, nth much to guess coz I knew my results last week too. I failed physics. Well, wad to do? My physics just sux to the core. I can't even get an AO pass.. Am I really that stupid? Haix. In between also got some joke that happened to eggie and me. Ask me if u want to know, it is definitely unsafe to blog online. Once CheNYu knows it, he will laugh for a month.

After the physics paper is Chemistry paper and luckily I got an AO pass. I din expected much for Chem as I know I wun score well. But Rita walked towards me and say: "Hoi Qing (yes that's her accent), u didn't do well for chem." OH shit lah, as if I duno lidat. So I just sat there and all my suppressed emotions burst out. I cried out finally. After sooo many setbacks I finally cried. I hate Rita. There is no need for her to remind me that I failed, I know myself better than her. THANK YOU RITA.

After that got back GP paper. I was yelling with joy when I saw my compre paper got 26 and I passed my compo too!!!! I got 23. YeAh. Finally I pass my GP. =) LEP was not too bad also, at least I got my A level pass. If nth goes wrong I might get my 1 'A' pass 2 'AO' pass.

After sch went out with my classmates to eat and walk ard. This time it is without yx. Nobody knew what happened to him, he said he was going home but no one followed. It really wasn't the right time for us to say anything also. Hai. I really hope he will not worry so much. Take a step at a time ba. The world is not coming to an end. Haix.. Why must life always be lidat.

Think I shld go and bathe liaox.. Late le, still muz do pw. tAta.

Just some thoughts to blog abt. Why must there be such a thing call promise in this world? I heard it from someone before, 'promises are meant to be broken'. But if promises are meant to be broken, then why is there a need to make a promise? As expected, I am going to blog about my own feelings.

Promise just reveal the most ugly side of human. Promises are beautiful when they are made, I don't deny that promises can brighten up my day too. But underneath that promise, not all owners are true about them. Some just make promises to achieve motives or just "make others happy". But when the truth is out, these owners are nth but liars.

Then why do people still believe in promises? I look at it that human beings are exposed to harsh reality everyday that they would rather escape away from it sometimes. Hence some became victims of "sweet promises". Ok maybe I am too pessimistic and always paint an ugly picture of everything, but I was a stupid victim of promise before, so to me promises aren't supposed to be taken serious. Neither will I make promises that I can't be sure I can achieve.

Perhaps to me life is a real ugly thing. I am not trying to sound like I need other people's sympathy. But after being exposed to ugly reality for so many years, one can't help but feel cold towards certain things in life. Take for example the three brats yesterday, I was exposed to kids from young. I loved playing with younger kids, I love to act like a big sis to them coz I was the youngest at home. I can shower them with care and concern, I never ever flared up at younger kids before when I was young. But they might not think you are being noble, some just think they have the right to bully the good people. I was hit and bitten by young kids even though I did nothing wrong. Some may say they are just kids and are not sensible enough, but it just show their character. In primary school I treated two girls as my best pals and was self-less about anything, but I ended up being stabbed behind my back and was left deeply hurt.

Sometimes I wonder why is there a change in my attitude and behaviour over the years as I grew up. Is it due to my environment? Or is it due to my mentality? I seldom trust people nowadays, perhaps it was partly due to those environment I grew up in that caused my behavior. Everybody around me had been breaking promises, even those dearest to me. So, who can I believe?

Sometimes I yearn for someone who will just lie to me forever and ever and never let me know the truth. But then again, is there ever such a person that exist?

Hoho, the pic above showed yexian dancing mass dance during the open house yesterday. This pic was not taken by me, that is why the angle and picture is so nicely taken.. Hohox... If yx see this he will definitely kill me. =X It just goes to show that one should never offend a woman. =X

Anyway, yesterday was my sch's open hse. I was asked to help out at the LEP booth as that is my only cca now. But we had games earlier in the morning. We played 1.5hrs of captain's ball. I luv cap ball wor.. =) We played with our own classmates and we were divided into two teams. Well, the other team is really stronger so they won utimately. I tried my best to defend those balls of theirs already. But we still lost. Haix. Somemore Loo Kit knocked right at my stomach... Arhx.. it hurts.. Luckily it doesn't hurt now already. It really hurt alot at that time I thought I might start vomitting food out. =S

After the game we slacked for awhile before going for lunch with yx, rachel, eggie and allan. We saw alot of teachers at the hawker centre, we were saying they might be discussing our results.. =X After that we went back school and the open hse start to have ppl ard. So eggie and I walked ard in search for a new cca as well as see what ccas are there. We walked and walked until my legs hurt now. =D We also teased yx coz he sae he wan to give phamplets out to Cedarians. So whenever we saw cedar gals ard, we ask him to go. Den when he was talking to some cchs(m) gals, we walked pass him and shouted : "aiyo.. flirting ar.." It was so damn funny. He was so embasrrassed by us.

Eggie and I went to do lep duty at 3.30pm. I only sat at the booth for awhile and I was pulled to guard door for LT2 coz there's a LEP talk inside. -.-''' Anyway, Rachel's mentee brought along 2 other guys to our open hse. Fancy three p4 guys at JC open hse. -.- But they are really vvvvvvv cocky and I feel like slapping them damn hard on their face. I admit I do not love kids alot. But when I was young I DO NOT feel irritated by my babysitter's kids. They (regardless of sex) are just angels and not cocky brats like rachel's mentee. Coz I also dun like kids that are too snobbish, while those 3 brats think they own the world. They keep suanning rachel n yx n eggie and commanding them ard. Walao, if they were my kids I would have smack them damn hard on their face liaox. Who do they think they arE? Rachel yx and eggie were being nice to bring them ard when it wasn't their duty to. So they should at least try to shoot them lesser? Oh well, kids nowadays are just getting out of hand. They only know how to bully those who are nice. *siGhX*

After the open hse den I went home already, actually wanted to go for dinner but then my darling, yx, rachel, zg all went home already. So left allan, eggie and me so I say we dun go lor. After all left only 3 ppl diff to gossip. Reached home and came online and slept at 12+am. I am tired already. Perhaps sleeping early is good as I do not have much quiet time to myself to let my thoughts run wild. Sometimes I am really too tired to even think. I already sorted out all my thoughts during my study break, so there's nth left for me to think also.

Woke up early today waiting for "meteor garden" repeat telecast on tv. Kenneth smsed me at 4+pm and asked if I want to go for a movie, actually I wanted to go wan, but then I m still aching all over my body so I decided to give up the idea. Anyway, it's quite a boring saturday filled with tv and food only. That's about all le. Gtg, taTax..

Heard from Leonard that one of my primary sch mate passed away last friday. He sent me the news article url. I dun think it is nice for me to comment on who that person is here. But I tink it is quite a pity, that person's granddad also passed away two days after that. Haix..

Life really is so fragile, anything can happen to anyone at anytime. It saddens me to read about that news, he was after all one my seating partners in class last time. I still remembered we can crap and joke in class all the time. But now, he is gone. It's even more sad to read that his granddad passed away after him. It so happened my mum's fren's daughter knew him. She said he died coz his chest was hit by the soccer ball. Oh my...

Went school today and did nth also. I really wonder why those teachers dun let us go for break. They made us go back to school but they din conduct any class. Shit lo.. I rather stay at home and sleep. DotX.. The VP said that they are going to change the timetable AGAIN~ They are going to shift the flag-raising time to 7.40am. Hmm, it doesn't seem to affect me much. Coz even that 10 mins more of sleep doesn't matter to me. I would rather sit the earlier bus coz its not as crowded and I will get to sleep on bus. =X

Went for balloon sculpting class today. Ok lah, quite fun. But it scared me when rachel's balloon burst in front of my face. Think it scared her even more. =S I managed to learn how to make dog, mouse, teddybear, sword. HeHex. Really glad I learnt how to make the teddybear. I tried three times before I make something that looks like a bear. =) It was quite fun but I am still afraid of the balloons.

After that went to LJS for lunch with eggie, wy, rachel, cy, zg, yx. Had the triple taste combo. Crapped for quite awhile before leaving at 3.30pm and head for temasek primary school for mentoring program. Saw my mentee. Gave her one of the balloon I made. She rejected it. Oh well, wad to expect from a rich little kiddo? =) Gave her a kitkat coz I promised her one last time. She gladly accept it =). Taught her some work and then we went on to a game book. Around 5+pm, we went basketball court and play with others.. She went off at 5.45pm coz she got a bdae party tonight. Not bad ar.. got party. HaHax.

After the mentoring program, took bus home as usual. Then ate dinner, den ate fruit. Nth much also le. Then watch tv and come and blog. I am a little tired already. Think I should go and sleep le wor.. TaTax..

Din blog yesterday coz there's nth to blog abt. I just stayed home and slack. Coz no money liao cannot go out and watch movie with the rest of my classmates.. *sIGhx* Went for a jog at nite coz I really can't stand the boredom at home, furthermore I need a little time alone to sort out my thoughts too. When one is feeling down, perhaps a little exercise can help one to cheer up. (I suppose)

Woke up damn early todae and went school as usual. Things went on as usual, only that the number of students decreased alot wor. Hahax. After flag-raising, had some pw talk. So bored. I was chatting with eggie all the while, even though we sat right in the middle near the front. =D

Skipped the 10am talk and went for lunch with wy, eggie, rachel, cy, yx, zg. Ya.. think that's abt all. Went yoshinoya to eat. Wah.. Long long time since I eat at yoshi. Nice ba, the food is still nice. =) By the way, the ice mango tea is nice!!!! LoLx.

Rushed back school for the clean up thing at noon. We just clean up the canteen while I volunteer to mop the floor. Yes, I wanted to mop the floor. A miracle huh, fancy seeing me wanting to volunteer myself for chore. Nvm lah, I just like to mop floor, coz fun mah. In the end Luther and I had a hard time trying to mop the floor coz ppl juz keep walking ard without even bothering that we had just mopped the place. So when yx came to ask me if I want to exchange with him, of coz I agreed!!! =D Wahahx. After awhile we just slacked.

Saw Mr Ho at the canteen, telling some of my classmates their maths marks. Of coz I wanted to know. No matter how scared I was, it is still better to know my results first before taking the real paper back on monday. (In case I might break down into tears in school or even die of heart failure.) So I asked, I just passed only. But the overall mark plus JCT results I might not pass at all.. Haix.. Accept my fate lor. Wat to do? Exam also over le, crying won't bring back my marks, but I still can't help feeling upset.

After that went bugis with eggie and rachel. Shopped ard. Den went mos burger for milk shake. I don't know if it is due to the fact that I lost contact with the outside world for too long or wat, but I just felt that everything tastes sooooo nice.. Hahahx.. Sounds like some mountain turtle. =X The next thing I am aiming is of coz .... my favourite AJiSeN rAmEN!!! But then.. sighX.. some things changed and I doubt I will get a chance to anyway. Ok le lah, that's all for today. Gtg liaox. Type quite a long entry le. Hahax. May I wake up from my nightmare.

I really feel like crying. Yes, I know exams are finally over but I can't help feeling upset over it. This time I am going to flunk EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. Each and every subject. It seems like I am going back to history to sec4 prelims when I studied like mad but get no results.

This morning had my last paper and as usual I also duno wad I was doing. This is terrible. Real terrible. None of my subjects can make it. Shit! After the paper went out with my classmates to go out eat sakae sushi and walk ard town. Finally after weeks of mugging I got the chance to go town again. But this time I dun feel as cheerful as last time. Saw many people I knew at orchard. Reached home at ard 8pm.

Had a fun day outside. Thx to all my friends. But once I reached home the feeling of fear rushed up to me again. I am really v afraid of failing promos, I duno wad will I do after I fail. On the outside I can appear that nth had happened, but deep inside me I also duno wad am I thinking. When I log online and saw pooinE's tag msg, I juz feel like crying already. Thx for keeping my accompanying today to all my classmates. Perhaps I might leave the class next yr, either retained or kicked out of school. I really duno wad to do, life become so scary. Even 'o' levels aren't as frightening as now. How I wish I can just fall into deep sleep and never wake up again... Can someone tell me that everything's gonna be alright??? Will everything become alright after a good night sleep???

Woke up especially early today. At around 9am. Wahaha.. Seldom do I wake up so early on a saturday. Maybe partly due to the fact that I slept early last nite. I slept at 11pm after saying goodbye to my classmates online and my DaRLing~ =P

Didn't study anything for the whole day. Yes I know I still have chemistry exam on monday. I just can't help but feel like to give up for the exam. Coz I know the outcome of the exam already. So even if I try to study for it, I won't be able to pass also. That is why I dun really feel like studying.

Can someone please tell me that everything will turn out fine? Can someone please tell me this is only a nightmare.. And everything will be ok once I wake up from this nightmare.. I really cannot stand it.. I am really too stupid already. No matter how much I study, I can only stare at the exam paper when I sit for it. Haix. Am I really an idiot? Everything also not going on fine. I just feel like giving up, I no longer have the energy to face one more paper... I can only pray that I can finish my last paper without breaking down.

I think I should not continue blogging anymore. Bye

After taking 4 papers since wednesday, my brain is really really drained. I am not too sure if I have the energy to study for monday's paper or to just sit there to take the paper. =S

Still got chemistry paper on monday. The past papers are really sucky? Or maybe I tink I am too stupid already. Maths paper was initially quite ok, but as I continued doing, I really duno how to do. Physics was even more worse. I practically just stared at the paper. I skipped those questions that I duno how to answer, den in the end I realised I didn't really finish any question. =S GP paper was like.. my brain is numb. Its really a weird feeling, I've nv felt this way before, my brain just numb there and refuse to listen to my command. Well.. Wad's wrong?

Today had LEP paper. I really did studied for it!!!!! I studied very hard, I even woke up at 7am today just to study. I nv did all these before, but when I was sitting for the paper, I just can't seem to remember anything that I studied. After my paper, I went out wif my classmates to eat LJS. On the way to ljs, Rachel fell and hurt her knee. Aiyo, she still nv tell us and keep quiet when there's so much blood oozing out from her wound. Is that the word? I am not sure also. She still insisted that she can jump around.. DotX.. Had a fun time at ljs laughing.

Took bus 26 home as usual. My brain must be functioning on its own without listening to my command again. Is crying more tiring or when your nose is sour but you just can't cry? Haix. It depends on the individual I suppose. Life in jc is really too difficult for me. I really wonder if I should just leave. Perhaps it was a wrong choice in the first place. I am very tired already. I just have one more paper to go, I must not give up. I must study for it, I must not be a weakling at this point of time. Life will still go on. Hopefully I can make up my mind where to go if I can't pass my promos.

Shall blog when I am feeling better.

What a time to come and blog. =S Intended to go back sch for maths lesson, but then I duno who's going and who's not, so I last min decide not to go. I went for morning walk with my mama plus breakfast. =) Had some green noodles this morning and went NTUC to stock up some stuff for mugging at home. Bought a box of chocolate drink and yogurt and some sweets. hEhEx.

Den my mama trying to get info out from me. She asked abt who's my "GUYFRIEND" now. Wahahax.. I told her no one, she gave me that weird look. After asking from her, I realise that she found out abt my guyfriend coz she saw the neoprint we took. But to my horror, who she saw was Liang Yuan, not Wee Kim. Hohox. I kept thinking that the neoprint she saw was the one I took with weekim. =X She keep asking if that guy is older than me not, I told her not, only taller than me. Little did I know I told her abt weekim indirectly. =X *ShitX* I must be blur from the lack of sleep. DuMb me!!!!! Obviously she continued asking lor, nth much. I told her why we broke up. She also nv say anything much. I even leaked out by mistake that his whole family saw me before, little did I realise that I was telling her I WENT HIS HSE BEFORE!!! Arhx.. luckily she did not ask anymore, else I might have leaked every single little thing out to her.

What took me by surprise was that she did not mind me going to his hse and that she did not mind talking abt all these stuffs with me. I knew she is more open-minded, but then I wasn't so sure that I can share so much things with her. =X Mum is always so weird, she is v nice to me lately, maybe due to the reason that exam is drawing near and she sees that I am always studying. =) I luV my mAmA.. HaHax, sounds so mushy but I really luv her. Despite the fact I do hate her when she nag and scold me.

I think I should end here le.. I should go study and not disappoint mama already.. =)

Today is sunday, and I have 3 more days to promos. Oh my god!! I really don't have enough time to study liaox. =( Why am I so slow? Somemore when I study I don't even know whether did I memorise all those info in my brain?? My brain is so saturated now, just like Rita Wong wan us to say. But that doesn't mean that I studied alot of info, but its juz that my brain is too small. =S LoLx.

Sometimes alone in the night, I will keep thinking of stuffs. I know it isn't the right time to let my thoughts run wild, but I can't control myself also. I've come to realise one point I like to take note of: It isn't the truth that hurts us but our thoughts that hurt us. Most of the time truth isn't as hurting as we thought it will be, but it's juz that we keep thinking abt it and it will end up hurting us. I don't know abt other ppl, but at least it is like that for me.

I found out that I have been talking a lot of weird things in my blog recently, perhaps I am really very tired from studying that's why I always come online to blog abt all these strange things. =D Hahax.

Ok le lahx, I think I should end my blog entry here, taTax.. Maybe blog more tml or later today. =) *oFf To StUdY*

Something to add on to the previous entry. I am trying to be nice to everyone. But it doesn't seem to be easy, coz I get IGNORED. What the.. Perhaps its juz retribution, but I think I should change my resolution. That is to treat those who are worth it nice, and IGNORE those who are seriously not worth my effort.

This part is specially dedicated to someone(who may or may not read this): Dun think I apologize then u tink u r some big shot and can ignore me or show ur hostility towards me. Thank you for letting me learn the lesson of not letting myself be a fool. I AM NOT TRYING TO SAVE WHATEVER FRIENDSHIP WE HAD, I JUZ WANTED TO BE NICE AND CONTROL MY TEMPER. One more impt thing: DUN comment that I am childish after reading this part. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.